Sunday, March 22, 2009

On The Subject of Personal Boundaries...Redux

I'm making it a practice to re-post this frequently.
Its the most important contract I've ever written for myself.
And a promise I intend to keep.
We cannot be all things to all people, there are times
when we
for sanity's sake have to pull back and self care.
Sometimes we do have to draw the line, or ask for a time out.
Why people react so strongly when we do is beyond me.
I suspect ego has much to do with it, and a need to control the outcome.
When we set a boundary, we remove that control as well as the outcome.



165a


"When we set a boundary, we let go of the outcome."

The purpose of setting boundaries is to take care of our self. Being forced to learn how to set boundaries is a vital part of learning to own our self, of learning to respect ourselves, of learning to love ourselves. If we never have to set a boundary, then we will never get in touch with who we really are. ~Robert Burney




I will not apologize for setting my own personal boundaries.
I will not apologize for doing whatever it takes to enforce those boundaries.
I will not apologize for doing whatever it takes to protect my emotonal well being.
I will not apologize for keeping out those who are not healthy.
I will not apologize for taking time to think before I speak.
I will not apologize for telling someone their behavior is not acceptable to me.
I will not apologize for deciding what behavior is and is not acceptable.
I will not apologize for stepping back from a situation in order to evaluate my feelings, however long that takes.
I will not apologize for setting strict boundaries when I need and sticking to them.
I will not apologize for asking for space when I need it.
I will not apologize for taking responsibility for the way I allow others to treat me.
I will not apologize for cutting someone completely out of my life if I feel they don't respect my boundaries.
I will not apologize for not believing everything I'm told.
I will not apologize for letting your problems, your dysfunction be yours.
I will not apologize for not being able to be all things to all people.
I will not apologize for loving myself enough to set boundaries even if it means I risk losing people in my life because of them.




















One Love. One Peace. Always and all ways.

13 comments:

once in a blue moon... said...

good for you, i think i have always lived this way, my motto is live by the sword, die by the sword... it can also be called foot and mouth disease... in other words i have big tall boundaries~

Kathleen (One Tree Past The Fence) said...

you're going to be a hoot at 90 aren't you!

once in a blue moon... said...

i won't make it to 90 after you low cal tuna clogging my arteries...

La Table De Nana said...

Hmm..I just made a decision to keep someone at bay..I had to..
But I sometimes still have remorse.
It had just gotten to a point where the person just made me have knots in my stomach on too many occasions.
I found it hard to do.

Kathleen (One Tree Past The Fence) said...

hahaha you'll have eaten well at least!



You taking care of you.......sans remorse mamma.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the other person had knots in their stomach...that you didn't know or allow to realize!Kathleen I couldn't agree with you more on the above...boundaries

Kathleen (One Tree Past The Fence) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kathleen (One Tree Past The Fence) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kathleen (One Tree Past The Fence) said...

I'm going to say this upfront.
I don't like anonymous comments.
In fact I may change my settings.
I figure if someone has something to say, it bears no weight if they can't sign their name at the bottom of the letter. I've noticed on here anonymous people tend to be people who know me or someone commenting, but don't have the balls to own up.
I could be wrong.


This isn't a post necessarily for discussion, I posted this for me.

But if they had knots and did not set their own boundaries...that's on them or should I say you. No one person is responsible for what someone else does or does not realize.

Have a good Sunday and if you choose to come back I hope you do so honestly.

Hayley said...

You are a force to be reckoned with, Kathleen, and I like you all the more for it. Your strength is an inspiration.

Kathleen (One Tree Past The Fence) said...

LOL Hayley........that or I'm full of bullshit!



Strength....I was born foolishly fearless,
I think. Either way its worked so far...

that being said I would not go deep sea diving
with just a snorkel. HA!

The Wabbit said...

I hate the word boundary. Just like I hate fences. While I recognize the need for the concept, for some reason the word relates to a rule.. a "have to"... a dictate that must be obeyed instead of a sense of being or respect for an ideal held by someone. I agree with most, if not all, of your goals or ideals, I just hate the strict rigidity that the word boundary conveys to me.
But then again, that's just me, and I tend to be a wild hare.

Kathleen (One Tree Past The Fence) said...

Wabbit.....I can appreciate what you are saying....

Typically I'm not a fan of rigidity. What prompted this manifesto, was someone pushing the
limits of respect. In which case boundaries,
a definitive line in the sand had to be drawn.
Even at that this person managed to cross more than once. That person is no longer part of my life obviously.

I keep this because I like that it represents self respect, and sometimes extreme self care is not a bad thing.

You be you Wabbit....how boring would it be if we all thought the same, and I like new and different perspectives....makes me rethink my own and that's a good thing.

: )

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