Yesterday was My Birthday...

I'm kinda glad I didn't come here yesterday. Some cranky woman
screaming in all caps, my crap leg recipe was the worst ever.
(Seth just pointed out my typo, but i'm keepin it. kinda funny in a freudian kinda way)
Tasted good when I made them.
Sorry man, the thing is I wonder if she thinks I really care.
I don't.
Cook at your own risk.
I mean I hope they recipes turn out good for you,
but if they don't....oh well.
I don't come here blogging food
hoping I'll be discovered by food tv network.
I've said in my blogs before and I'll say it again, I'm just here for the photography.
My food isn't all that great. It amazes me how pissy people get over little things.
Of course if the crab was expensive well....then maybe that makes it not a little thing.
But I gotta say if a bad crab leg recipe is the worst of your troubles life ain't so bad.
And I'll bet you learned something too. Don't believe every thing you read.
What's great to me might not be great for um....your dad.

That's all I gotta say about that.
The only reason I said anything is well...because I can. I'm 46.
I think I've earned
the right to speak my mind.
I'm not talking about being intentionally mean.
I just don't care to sugarcoat anymore.
Its a waste of verbs and adjectives, which ultimately is a waste of time and breath.
I think she learned that too. Good for her. Tell it like it is. She certainly did. Right on.

I came home yesterday to find 3245675453 birthday messages on my Facebook.
I was really surprised. People move me you know, their kindnesses. I get mushy about
stuff like that. Thank you doesn't seem like enough. But its all I have.

Brother Joshy kidnapped me for the day. Wait til I show you what he got me.
The coolest gift ever. A first edition James Beard cookbook......1949. Yeh. I know.
We ran to Duluth, didn't do much, but it was enough, sat in the comfy chairs at Barnes n Noble. Came back, he crashed on the couch. I crashed on the bed. Power naps.
Oh yeh, forgot to mention he came over at 1 am the night before to wish me Happy Birthday
in person. So we celebrated. Danced like chickens in the kitchen until four in the morning.
God bless the boy he had to get up for work at six. I never heard him leave.
He slept out on the couch in the living room. No alarm clock. He got like an hour and a half of sleep. Fortunately he only had to work a couple hours. I got 5.
again thank you doesn't seem like quite enough.

His mom came over first
thing in the morning with a card and a note that made me feel really special, and part of a family, my minnesota family, I've been adopted.....she sang Happy Birthday to me from the foot of my bed. Not a bad way to wake up.

Becca trespassed to get me lilacs. She left them inside my door, she dropped them off on her way to work, funny she must have just missed Joshy. Man that was friend romantic.
Its the small stuff. Women get that about other women. Hey there are men out there who listen...I happen to know a few.
She heard me say I like lilacs, n wanted my house filled with them for my birthday.
I'd seen some particular bushes that looked good.
One boquet was more than enough, and that's exactly what she brought.
She listened, that's the most important part, and she acted on it.
A little thoughtful effort goes a long way.
Her husband is a lucky man.

I got a card in the mail. that was foolishly brave of him to send, but very thoughtful.

I got four emails, Seth always sends the best I mean THE BEST online hallmarks.
Seth and I have known each other for the better part of 6 years, probably 8 by now.
Everyone only ever sees us banter back n forth perfecting our verbal double entendre skills,
which ha is all just bullshit anyway. What they don't know is that we've been friends for that long, and what they see is only the second best thing we do. Of course they're not privvy to the hours of conversation in im's over the years, the support we give each other, so how could they know.
The best thing we do........lift each other up.

Dick emailed me..........a man who lives in the Netherlands. A fondness we share for each other,
I think more in the way of father daughter.......he feels familiar to me...in a different way.
I loved him.
I knew him before, I'm sure of it.

And an email from someone I love very much...we come and she go in each others lives.
But people do that......its life you know. People come and go, and come back...when
we learn what we needed to learn.
You have to let them.
I knew her before too. And loved her then as I do now.


My mom called. She told me as she does every year, the story of how I was born. No not that
part. geeze where's ur head at? The part about going to the hospital, and how my dad had to stop at the warehouse on the way to take care of something (his father's company, my dad worked there), and all the guys were wishing them good luck, and mom saying Dave we really have to go........something like that.
Every year I hear it with new ears.


My son even said Happy Birthday to me. That was a good moment.

I'm saying thank you...even tho it sounds so small.


ANYWAY...the picture.


I chose this picture very deliberately. Is choosing ever not deliberate?
Maybe, there's always thoughtless choosing. Crap, I'm already well into a ramble aren't I?
I was going to make this some deep philosophical thesis on getting older
hopefully leaning on the side of brevity.
Ha. too late now.

Someone said to me a couple months ago...
at our age the days before us are greater than the days behind us.
It didn't hit me hard. But it hit me. I've never looked at how many days I've lived,
and how many days I have left. When I say live I mean live, not just survive.
How many days have I really lived???
How many days did I spend waiting for life to happen, for someone to happen.
The thing is ...when you stop life keeps going.
People don't wait for you.
Life doesn't wait for you.
You get why I chose the picture now right?

I do a pretty good job of living these days. Making the most of each day.
Recognizing what's really important and what's not.
Every now and then I find myself in the trenches. It's inevitable that I will.
Things don't stay easy. We wouldn't learn anything if they did.

I'm probably at the halfway mark.
I have the opportunity to live life even bigger for the next 40 some years.
I don't mean bigger materialistically. I mean live life more aware, live life more
deliberately. I don't want to be stuck in the trenches and I refuse to live in the
drudgery of "have to's". Having to be here, having to go there, you know that place
where your begging for just five minutes to yourself. ummm yeh, no.

So this for me is a beginning,
more like a second chance to really whoop it up,
live more deliberately ( I know, its the repeat word this blog) , loving more gently, keep it kind,
not the beginning of the end.
I'm pretty pleased with how I turned out as a human being.
I've got some work yet to do but hey who doesn't.
My life is good.
I'm truly grateful, and humbled by it all really.
I spend more time being happy than sad or angry.
I laugh a lot.
I am blessed with people who love me and well.
I try to make a difference in this world.
I have food, a roof over my head...
anything else is butter.

Pass the crab legs.
I want more.








One Love. One Peace. Always and all ways.